i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
