Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
