the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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