ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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