I'm going to jail i love you
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
