I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
