remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
