In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
