Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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