Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
