Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize