life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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