I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize