i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
