i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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