smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
