I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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