is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
