Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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