I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
