Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
