dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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