I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
