so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
