i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
