There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
