So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
