Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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