It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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