She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
