I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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