I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
