just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize