omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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