I love black thongs
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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