They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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