youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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