perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
