haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
