I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
