Porn is love you can see.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
