Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
