I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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