Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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