I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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