he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
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he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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