I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
