I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
