I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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