I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
