there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
