I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
