I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
