I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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