she woke up with a sticky ear
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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