Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
