She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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