he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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