Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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