I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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