Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
