whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
