there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize