I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
