one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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