ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
