i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
