They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
