I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize