i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
a search helicopter?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
