i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
