You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
