Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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