Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
