Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
