If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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