At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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