They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
